- The Real Folk Blues. - Wednesday, September 07, 2005 The Real Folk Blues The room was quiet as Faye Valentine lay on her bed. The darkness of her room, usually comforting, seemed unbearable at the moment. For the past day she had been lethargic, she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts—with the shock of remembering not just fragments, but the entirety of her past. She sat up slowly and leaned on her arms for support. Her head hung, and her eyes were slightly closed. She tried to shake off the overbearing fatigue she felt. Exhaling softly, she listened; in the distance, she heard the echoes of voices: not just Jet’s, but Spike’s as well. She had a sinking feeling, but she had to see him. She stood, pulled her red jacket over her arms, and instinctively picked up her handgun. Exhaling once again, this time more heavily, she walked towards the voices. In the living area, Jet was talking to Spike. Spike had just eaten a plate of Jet’s beef with bell peppers – Faye could smell the pungent spices, and the though of eating his cooking made her ill. She approached the doorway, but stopped short of entering; hoping neither Jet nor Spike heard her. The first thing she heard upon entering the corridor was laughter, not a happy laughter, if there is such a thing. The laughing was forced, pained. Jet spoke first. “Spike,” he said, “Can I ask you something?” She heard Spike walking toward the hallway, but his footsteps stopped. “What?” he replied? Jet spoke softly, “Is it for a woman?” Spike waited several moments before answering; his answer as softly spoken as Jet’s question was asked. “There’s nothing I can do for a dead woman.” Faye leaned against the wall, outside of the room, and looked blankly at the wall across her. Dead woman? Could she really be..? He’s leaving us. She stepped forward from the wall, and then towards the doorway, holding the gun up to Spike’s head as he passed through the archway into the hall. He stopped walking. “Where are you going?” she asked. Spike look at her quietly. You’re leaving? Why are you leaving? Narrowing her eyes, she spoke allowed, “Why are you going?!” All Spike did was looked at her. She lowered the gun, uncertain of what he was going to do next. The silence seemed to last a millennium. “You told me once….that the past didn’t matter!” she yelled. Hypocrisy at its best. Was he angry at her? Or was he ashamed of himself? “You’re the one whose tired to their past!” she yelled. Furiously she glared at him. Still, he stood there, the same calm peaceful look on his face, and the more he looked at her with those eyes, with that face, the angrier she became. Suddenly, he stepped forward. It startled her, and she jerked her head backwards, but still, he leaned forward. Is he going to kiss me? Oh god! Never! He’s too serious and his eyes are too cold. “Look at these eyes,” he said and she did. “One of them is fake because I lost it in an accident.” She was surprised at his intensity. She looked more deeply into his eyes. She had noticed that the iris of his right eye was slightly redder that the left, which was brown. “Since then,” he said, “I have been seeing the past out of one eye and the present out of the other. Believed what I saw was not all of reality…” He straightened his stance; the two stood uncomfortable close but not touching. Silence again…. She bit her lip to fend off the tears that were welling up in her eyed. Briefly, she had a fantasy of crying, and Spike comforting her, but she knew deep down that he never would. He never would love her. Her voice, though choked back at first, came out steadily, “Don’t tell me things like that….” Her voice grew louder, until she was shouting and didn’t even realize it. “You never told me anything about yourself! Don’t tell me stuff now!” Why did he wait to tell her anything!? He acted like he cared! Every time he came to her rescue, every time he had given in to her foul and selfish ways…he had never been selfish to her. Well, except for now. Briefly, she hated him for it, but she loved him more that she ever wanted to hate him, and so the brief flame of hatred was doused. Spike was still calm, his voice still soft. “I though that I was watching a dream that I would never awaken from,” he told her. A small smile played across his lips. She wondered how he could possibly be happy at a time like this, but realized that it wasn’t happiness that he felt. No, more like the deepest remorse a human being has ever felt. She began to question her own remorse for lost time, lost love…he continued, “Before I knew it, the dream was all over.” Spike…no…don’t leave…you can’t. Don’t leave us…don’t leave me. Anything to make you stay. Finally something came to her mind. In that second, he had begun to walk away. She turned her back to him, and looked at her feet. “My memory came back,” he paused. Good. Maybe he wants to stay. He’s listening, at least. “But nothing good came out of it. There was no place for me to return to.” She felt her hands which hung limply at her hips begin to tremble like a leave being blown through a gentle breeze. Was he looking at her? Or was he waiting for her to finish speaking so he could go out and kill himself? “This was the only place I could go back to! But now...” She briefly felt his gaze upon her. She became more urgent. She would do anything to keep him, to have him as a lover, ad a friend, even as an enemy. She just wanted to be near him. He began to walk away, and she heard his quiet footsteps clearly. “Where are you going?! Why do you have to go?!” She turned quickly, and almost reached to touch his shoulder, but couldn’t. It didn’t seem right. She stood next to him, he facing straight forward, she facing the side of his head. He didn’t look at her, but he listened. That was enough for now. “Are you telling me your just going to throw your life away!?” He voice echoed throughout the entire hallway. There was no doubt in her mind that Jet heard to entire conversation. She knew that he wouldn’t ask questions, bus she would tell him again what happened. She had a feeling he would listen this once, and understood. Another moment of silence passed before Spike spoke again. He was so sure of himself that Faye’s eyes began to well up in hot tears. “Im not going there to die,” he looked up but still didn’t make eye contact with her. “Im going there to see if I really am alive.” He began to walk again. Don’t leave me Spike. Do no leave me. These thoughts began to race through her head. She raised her gun and aimed between his shoulders. I should wound him. Then he won’t be able to go…Briefly, she imagined shooting him, only in the leg. She imagined him falling, and her running to drag him to bed, even if he was kicking and screaming, but the more she imagined, the more steps he took away from her. I cant shoot him. Instead, she raised her arm and fired at the celing. Bang! You can’t do this!Bang! Don’t leave me! Bang! Leave the past behind! Bang! We love you!Bang! I love you! The large door to the docking bay opened and shut with a loud slam. She knew that he was climbing into the Swordfish and flying away. She knew that she would never see him again. She slumped against the door and dropped her gun. Her intire body shook, and she let the tears run through her eyes. You idiot! You stupid damned fool…! She hank until she was crouched on the floor, her tears running down her face, onto her knees, and even some down her legs. She didn’t bother wiping them away. All she wanted was Spike, more than anything else in her life. She never wanted anything more…and now her was gone. She didn’t tell him how she left, but maybe he already knew. If the Red-tail wasn’t damaged so much, and if Jet wasn’t too injured to fix it, she would go after him. She sat there for a long time: longer than she cared to realize, until she heard the uneven, struggiling steps of her remaining comrade beside her. She looked up at him, he at her. Coming to rub salt in my wounds. To say that you told me so. He came back and now he’s gone… To her surprise, Jet laboriously bent over and took her by the elbow. She understood that as silent rncouragement to stand up. She let him help her stand, “Your crying was getting to me,” he quietly said. “Spikes gone,” she replied. She knew that that was a stupid thing to say, he obviously knew that already. Jet just nodded to her, and for the first time ever having known him, he showed compassion. He wiped the tears from her face, the stain of her masgara tinting his fingertip. Without warning, she hugged him. She needed comfort, he understood that. After a moment of hesitation, he hugged her back. Several hours passes. To Faye, it was though she had relived the missing years of her life on her bed, half covered by blankets. Her pillowcase was stained from the makeup, but dry, and her tears could no longer flow. She left her room and joined Jet on the bridge. She looked out the window, towards Mars. Jet stood next to her, likely thinking the same thing she was. She felt a dull stab just below her rib cage, then an aching pain. When she though she felt she could cry no more, her eyes release a fresh downpour, her body jerked with emotion. She looked at Jet, he at her. He nodded, because he understood. He felt the same pain. Together, they would carry that weight for Spike. XXX

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